Thursday, May 10, 2012

The New Scar on My Soul

I end up reading a lot of articles. Some of them I like, most are just information that I process and move on. A few really grab me and leave a lasting impact. A handful have made me shed a tear. That is the case of the article below penned by an anonymous author about his abortion experience.

Abortion is one of the most tragic and traumatic events a person can endure. Throughout the 2 years I had the pleasure of working at Bethesda Post-Abortion Healing Ministry, I came to see in a new and profound way the scars that these men and women carry with them. Women are more likely to come forward for healing, but that doesn't mean the man involved is not grieving and deeply pained.

This story of a father and the tragic decision he and his wife made to abort two of their children is heart-rending and eye-opening. With two little boys of my own that I shudder to even think of losing, my heart goes out to this dad who will only see his children in heaven.

Let his testimony be a motivation to continue praying for all pre-born children and their safety, as well as the grieving parents who wish they could have their children back.

The New Scar on My Soul

My soul carries a new scar.  The pain is fresh and keen, and I know that while time might see the pain fade, I will never fully recover from what I've seen, and done.  For I have failed, intentionally and knowingly, in the first duty of a parent: protecting the lives of two of my children.
My wife and I wanted children; alas, we needed IVF treatment to realize this dream.  Several cycles and multiple embryo implantations later, we welcomed our blessing from G-d, who is the light of our lives.
Recently, we tried for another.
"It never rains, but it pours," said the fertility doctor -- of the three embryos that were implanted, all three took.  We were faced with the news of triplets.  I was shocked, knowing the burden that would entail, but since G-d gave us three, I was prepared to do whatever I needed to do to help, manage, and provide.
My wife?  Something snapped.  She insisted that we do a "selective reduction" from three to one, or else she would have a full abortion.  She was adamant.  She would not carry three.  She would not carry two.
I was presented with a Coventry-esque decision: save one, or save none.  I chose the former, though I tried on several occasions to convince her to at least keep twins.  I failed.
We were told, point-blank, by the doctor who would do the procedure that they would inject potassium chloride into the placenta to stop the hearts.  We were told, point-blank, that it was painless.  Even then, I knew I was being lied to, but given the choice presented, I agreed anyway.  My mantra became "Save one, or save none."

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